


Monster

by Ficwriter24



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Not, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Star Wars References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 14:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15798591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ficwriter24/pseuds/Ficwriter24
Summary: "Now the only person afraid of you, is yourself."





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Some stupid thing where Kylo is really emotional and has really deep feelings for some girl that I didn't chose a name for. It's in Kylo's perspective and I really only wrote it cause I was bored and wanted to make Kylo emotional. I think I kinda based this of the fact that he's conflicted and I guess he's joined the light side. Idk if that made sense, but read it if you want. 
> 
> Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if the force can be used like that but whatever.

I stared into her emotionless eyes as I gripped my hand tighter around my lightsaber. I couldn't hurt her, that was a decision I had made years ago. Back when I had enough remorse and emotion to make decisions based on my emotions, back when I was still Ben.

This was my fault, her corruption, her passing to the dark side, it was all my fault. I was blind enough to follow Snoke's orders, and by the time I realized that everything had been a lie, it was to late. She had replaced me as Snoke's apprentice and now I only had two options; Fight my way out of here, killing the only person that made me feel even remotely human, or surrender, killing myself and letting the dark consume her entirely.

I could still feel the light in her, just like she did in me. I could feel the warmth of her thoughts, her force, but it wasn't enough. She couldn't feel it herself, making it almost worthless. 

"Give it up Kylo, you'll always be a monster." 

"You're lying! That's not-"

"What? You're gonna tell me it's not true? After all the bloodshed, all the tears, all the innocent lives lost at you command? Face it Kylo Ren, you're a monster."

Those words weren't hers. The plague inside of her was now operating her brain and it wasn't her.... It couldn't be.

"I won't fight you! Not like this." I said, lower my lightsaber. "Don't go this way"

"That's rich coming from you, Master of The Knights of Ren, or does that title not ring any bells for you?" She growled. She was trying to hit me in a soft spot that she was nowhere near. In reality though, she was entirely too close to the soft spot, my one true point of weakness. It was her. It had always been her.

"You disgust me Ben." She spat, her words stinging my ears like hot venom. She had picked my brain just like I had done to her so many times, but in my time of weakness, she had latched onto my brain and sucked out my secrets like a vacuum. 

She stepped closer towards me, her feet light against the heavy atmosphere around us. I looked into her eyes once more, she was still there, I could see it. The battle between light and dark unfolding behind her eyes, and right in front of mine.

She placed a soft hand to my cheek, her delicate fingers tracing the nasty gash on my face. What was once a reminder of my failure was now a sign of my defeat, the defeat that had kissed me on the face and smacked me into the light.

"How could I ever love you?" She shook her head as her grip on my cheeks tightened. "You're nothing but a monster Ben. No one could ever love you."

She kicked my lightsaber out of my shaking hand, her grip never relenting. "I could have made you powerful Ben, We could have ruled the galaxy together. We could have been feared, but now...." 

She dropped onto her knees in front of me, the light inside of her was fighting with all of it's might, but the darkness was getting stronger. A gasp of pain shot through her lungs, her face contorting in pain, but she quickly composed herself. 

"Now the only person afraid of you, is yourself." 

She stood, letting go of my face, and reached for the blaster connected to her waist band. 

"Please, you have to listen to me!" I shouted, grabbing my lightsaber off the ground. 

"What! You're gonna kill me? Give me a nasty scar to match yours?" She taunted, stepping closer and closer to me. "Face it Ben, you still have a heart in that chest of yours."

My gaze shifted to her hands. They were shaking dramatically, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab her shaking fingers and intertwin them with my own. 

"Yeah, well you're to blame for that, now aren't you?" I scowled.

Her eyes flashed, returning to her eyes, not the pair of lifeless pale blues that I had grown to know. The silly sight gave me a glimmer of hope, but it only lasted a second.

"You can't beat me Ben, you won't." She growled, her teeth clenched as the light tried to overthrow the dark. 

She stared into my eyes fiercely. She was trying to force her way into my head again. If she was herself, if there was even a shred of her looking at me right now, I probably would have let her.

"Stand down now and I'll be nice." She offered, fingers tightening around her blaster. I knew what she was offering. The blaster was the nice way out of this situation; a single blast to the head would probably do enough damage. The not so nice option would be death at the hand of her lightsaber. She would end me using the lightsaber I had help her make, I helped helped her over come, I had helped her learn how to use. Look where that had gotten me.

"Suit yourself Ben." She said, firing a blast into my shoulder.

I let out a gasp of pain as my body falls to the ground. She clips the blaster back onto her belt and pulls out her lightsaber.

I grabbed her wrist before she ignited the glowing death stick. I used my other hand to quickly force the lightsaber out of her hands. As I gripped her wrist tightly, I could see the her pale blue eyes flash before returning to lifeless grey.

"You're still in there and I know it!" I yelled, the harsh tone making my throat sore. "Come with me, we can start over! But the only way to get the darkness out of you is to get you as far away from here as possible." 

I watched her as I pleaded. She wanted this, to get away from The First Order, but the darkness had her chained down. She scrunched her face and clenched down on the teeth in her mouth. She let out a gasp of pain as I leaked the force from my fingertips and into her veins. This was my last hope.

I need her to feel my emotion. The heat that coursed between us. The love that filled my heart to the brim and climbed up my throat, waiting to spill from my lips.

I project everything I have into her. My emotion, my visions, my feelings, my thoughts, everything I had was being pumped into her bloodstream. I would become apart of her; I would be the patch that covered the oozing, gaping hole in her chest, and she would become the glue that will hold my aching heart together. Except that was the problem. She was already the sticky glue that holds me together.

She let out a gasp, shaking her arm to get me to let go, but I wasn't going to give up that easily. I had to push through this, for her and the sake of her future, weather I'm apart of it or not.

I pushed myself into her mind. She was reflecting on memories.  
______________

"That's not how it works Ben." She said shaking her head.

"What do you meant that's not how it works? Of course it is. The force is already inside me, now all I have to do is force it out." I countered, glaring at her as she shot me a judging glare.

"You're stupid, you know that right?" 

"Hey! No I'm not!" I scoffed and folded my arms over my chest.

I remember that day like it was just yesterday. Jedi training had always come easy to her, but I was always a couple steps behind. Maybe it was the fact that I had never really wanted to stay with Luke and train, or maybe it was because Luke had taken her in when she was young and raised her like his own. 

"You haven't listened to anything Master Luke has been teaching us this week, have you?" She questioned, but she knew the answer; No, I hadn't been. I was to busy watching her, because unlike us other Jedi, she knew what she was doing, and the concentration on her peaceful face was almost infectious. 

"Relax your mind Ben." She whispered into the cool air around us. She sat down on the ground next to me.

We were on the highest overhang on the island. The green grass around us tickled my fingers. The water looked especially blue today, and I couldn't help but compare it to the color of her eyes. 

"Close your eyes." She instructed, closing her own in the process."Breath in the air and let it consume you."

I closed my eyes. This was stupid. Meditation never works for me. 

"Stop thinking so much Ben, you'll wrinkle that pretty face of yours." She joked, a small laugh emitting from her throat. I could feel my cheeks burn as I tried to focus on what she was telling me.

I closed my eyes and let go of the breath I had been holding. 

I could feel it; The warmth of the sun beating down onto my cheeks, the wind scooping up gusts of dust and spewing them around, but the heaviest feeling was her. I could feel each breath she took as if it were a kiss on my cheek, and I could feel each strand of her hair that kicked at my shoulder, and it was then that I realized just how grateful I was that she had chosen those few minutes to release her hair from her harsh braids.

The light and the dark were pulling at my wrist, urging me to pick a side. Eating away at my brain was a life altering decision. Give up the light and continue my training to becoming a sith lord, or stay with the Jedi and be another powerless face. 

That's what I want. I want the power and the fear that comes with it. Nothing would stand in the way of making my grandfather proud, not even my uncle. 

I could still feel it though, the tug to the light and as I opened my eyes, I knew what was tying me it. She look like an angel, but that's exactly what she was. An angel that was consumed by the light. An angel that could never love me.

___________ 

"Ben...." She whispered into the heavy air around us. "I'm no angel. Not anymore."

Her blue eyes had returned, staring me in the face as tears slipped down her cheeks.

The darkness had cracked and fell away, just like the lightsaber that had retracted and fell to the floor with it. The darkness that had been fueled by anger, sorrow, and passion was now a distant memory that had been replaced by confusion.

I pulled her to my chest, wrapping her in my arms. I was stupid enough to let go of her once, and I would never make that mistake again. I could feel her powerful light consume me, and I was no longer Kylo Ren. I was Ben Solo once again. The Ben she had known, the one she had cared for.

"And I am no monster. Not anymore."


End file.
